Just Not in the Mood

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Are you having less sex than you or your partner would like? 

Do the stresses of life, or the intensity of your typical day, make it so you are "just not in the mood" for sex on a regular and consistent basis?

Or, maybe life isn't even that stressful or intense for you, but you still don't feel "in the mood" for sex much of the time.

If you can relate to any of these scenarios, you are not alone.

A survey of 27,000 men and women from 29 countries indicated that 30 to 40 percent reported low libido (a lack of interest in sex) for several months during the year.

And, it appears to be different between men and women, where up to 34 percent of women reported lacking interest in sex over the year, while it was 17 percent for men.

Issues with "sexual desire" can obviously affect relationships greatly.

As mentioned in my article called, Sex and Happiness, sex is a very important aspect of life for many people, so if one partner in a relationship loses their desire for sex - for whatever reason - it can have very negative effects on the "connection" between the partners - and can affect the survivability of the relationship (even for married couples). 

Reasons for Low Libido

There are many reasons so many people lose a desire for sex, either temporarily or permanently. 

There are both physical reasons and psychological reasons.

Physically, things like diabetes, alcoholism, drug use, and many other illnesses can reduce libido. 

Psychologically, depression, anxiety, high stress, and childhood trauma can be among the reasons for low sexual desire.

Interestingly, a survey done by AARP indicated that unmarried partners had sex more frequently, with more satisfaction, than those who were married. The results indicate that people who are married longer may be less interested in sex. Again, it is difficult to determine if this is a sexual problem or a natural development in relationships. What is possibly more interesting is that non-married couples in this age group apparently work harder at having a good sex life and enjoy it more.




For women, sexual desire appears to be less directly tied to physical arousal. In fact, desire often follows arousal instead of preceding it. So, expecting women to be turned on prior to sex (because that’s what happens to most men) may be a misconception.

One possibility is that the relationship itself is arousing for women at first (stimulating sexual desire), but longer-term, the relationship becomes more important than sexuality for women.

A study performed by Marta Meana found a decline in sexual desire in 19 married women she studied.  What has typically been assumed is that getting married led to having children and, therefore, more complex, stressful lives, which caused a decrease in sexual desire. However, according to the study by Meana, just formalizing the relationship by getting married reduced sexual desire, perhaps by making sex so  "available and predictable" that it lost a a certain amount of it's erotic and adventurous quality that formerly turned these women on. Over-familiarity with their partner led to a decline in romance and an interest in broadening sexual horizons.

The study by Meana also indicates that sometimes women are more about "being in the moment" than they are about being purely sexual. It relates to an idea that in the middle of sex “Guys are in the throes of ecstasy" while women are thinking “I'd better change positions; I don’t look good in this position.” For men, how they look during sex was one of their least concerns.  It's just one of the many differences between men and women


Do you have a great sex life?  Is it fun, fulfilling and passionate?  If so, click here to share your "secrets" with other visitors.


Increasing Sexual Desire...

Obviously, there are many, many ways to increase sexual desire, depending on the cause, whether you are male or female, if you are married or single, and so on.  This is not the forum to discuss the many possible physical reasons for ow libido, so, let me start by just giving some very basic "mental" thoughts on the subject.

First, for women, "being desired" is a huge turn-on.  Women fantasize about being ravished or found irresistible.  Meana says that feeling like the “chosen one” is really important for many women. It is a big booster of self-esteem (and low self-esteem is one of the many reasons for a woman's lack of sexual desire).  A woman feeling good about herself is more important than a man feeling good about himself when it comes to sexuality.

For men, one of the biggest "turn-ons" is for his partner to dress sexy (as superficial as that may sound to most women).  Yes, surveys show that men's top turn-on is "seeing their  partner in sexy clothes". 

For couples, obviously communication is critical.  On top of that, women, start by dressing sexy for your guy.  Men, above all, make your woman feel desired and special. 

For another simple "mood booster" technique, it has been found that certain foods are aphrodisiacs.  Everyone has heard about oysters helping increase desire, but there are many more.  Things like:

  • Red Wine
  • Coffee
  • Chocolate
  • Yogurt

Now, to learn more - and to help boost your desire for sex - check out some of these great resources:


Here are some products you may find useful to help increase your desire for sex and help you "be in the mood" more (just click on the products below that you want to check out)...

You can also click on this link below to go to "The Better Sex Store", where you'll find many more great products to improve your sex life in many ways...

The Better Sex Store


Here are some more articles here at BeHappy101.com on the subject of sex:


Please Start a Conversation...

I would really appreciate your feedback and advice to help others who are having sexual issues. So please click here or fill out the form at the bottom of this page to join The Sex Forum and write a comment or just let me know what you want to see in this section (scroll all the way down to the bottom of this page).  

Here are some of the things to write about:

  • How you feel sex and happiness are linked (or not)
  • What topics should be part of this "Sex & Happiness" section
  • Any immediate advice you may have (especially from personal experience) for people who are having sex issues and where sex may be a source of unhappiness in their lives (or how it can be a source of more happiness) or any questions you may have about the subject

Once I get enough feedback, I will start to include many components to this section, such as:

  • Advice on how to have better, more passionate, intimate sex
  • Educational information about sex (and how it can lead to greater joy, happiness, and fulfillment)
  • Examples (maybe even case studies) on sexual issues many couples face - and how to most effectively deal with them
  • and much more

BeHappy! my friends



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