Take a Mentor to Lunch MonthNotes from the Desk of
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To improve your life, click on any of the pictures below which represent areas of your life which you need to make better: |
Knowing which principles/values to hang on to, knowing how to integrate your individual personality characteristics into certain situations, or learning a different way of thinking is not an event. It is a process. Deciding when to make these changes, and with whom, can be difficult decisions.
| Mentor: A wise and trusted teacher or counselor |
For example, let’s say you have found yourself with some emotional management issues. Life seems to be getting the best of you. You are under stress and having great difficulty with anger displacement (you get angry at people who don't deserve it). Yet, your boss – who is under some of the same stress that you are - seems to keep it all together. You wonder how she does it. The only way to find out is to be proactive. Ask her if she might be available to sit down with you and discuss some personal insight.
Another example might be that you are having difficulty in your current relationship, and you have observed an elder in your community who has been married for a long time. He appears to get along well with his spouse and others and you wonder what the secret is. Spending time with this person might be helpful in order to gain insight into the long-term success of your relationships.
Clearly, no one person has the "right" answer for you. Your mission is to gather enough information so you can assemble the parts and figure out your own plan for creating change. The secret to being a good student is to find a good teacher, ask a lot of questions, and get the answers to those questions (from their perspective). Then figure out your own solutions or how to implement their techniques into your life. The teacher is there to give you the principles, and then it's up to you to apply them to your own life. It's sort of like the ingredients in a recipe. Not everybody makes a dish the same way. But if you use some of this, and some of that, you create your own unique dish. You can bring some of your own ingredients as well as take recommendations from others on what will improve the outcome. The beautiful part about this way of thinking is that if you find an ingredient that you don't like, or need to change, it is relatively easy to do.
Obviously the other thing to keep in mind is your personal limitations. Some people are not adept at discussing their lives, and sometimes speaking about personal situations (like in a workplace) steps over a line. Some people who are not very good at teaching just seek to give you advice and become incensed if you don't follow it. These folks may not make great mentors. So as you are thinking about finding a mentor, take their thoughts, abilities, and concerns into consideration as well. In general I think you'll find that most people will be flattered by your request and will willfully discuss their philosophy, principles, or approach in life situations.
Who might you consider as a mentor? Stop and look around your world. It might be a religious figure (priest, pastor, rabbi, etc.), your parents (be careful with this one), a coworker, or someone from the past that you have admired. It might be a community leader, someone from your spiritual life (as they tend to have similar values to yours), or even the author of a book (like BeHappy!) that you have admired. Some people might think that book authors and community leaders are untouchable. Maybe! Get in touch with them and ask. The worst thing that will happen is they will say no. I have met many wise people along my path and most of them are willing to discuss their thoughts, ideas, and philosophy as long as I take into consideration their time and energy levels. It might be through e-mails, it might be through letters, and many times over a cup of coffee. You will not know until you ask.
If they are able to find the time to meet with you, simply be prepared to listen. They will not usually have the answers for you; but they will likely tell you the answers for them. It’s up to you to apply their knowledge to your own life. You might ask if they are willing to meet with you on a regular basis for a while so that you can gather information as you move through the process. If they are unable to meet regularly, is there a way for you to stay in touch with them and are they willing to have you do so?
If you are ready to make a change, it may be time to find someone who can help. Every player needs a good coach. Teachers are everywhere! I learn from my clients, my students, and the people in my life every day. To put a Zen spin on this, the teacher is first and always a student. Think about it!
Let's make December (or you can pick a month) the "Take a Mentor to Lunch Month". Take a couple of weeks to figure out who you might like to ask, establish the date, and go for it. By the way - the more mentors you have the better. Take five, pick 10, find people in your life who appear to have knowledge, talent, or insight that might be beneficial for you and try to tap into it. One of the reasons for limiting it to a month is that doing things like this are easy to put off. Many times if you will put some structure to your goals - like a time limit - you will find more motivation to get them done.
Eugene D. “Chip” Weiner
The Neighborhood Shrink
www.neighborhoodshrink.com
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Chip’s practice has a no-nonsense, solution focused approach to counseling therapy and coaching for anyone who needs help. |
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Disclaimer from behappy101.com: The thoughts and opinions expressed by The Neighborhood Shrink (Eugene D. "Chip" Weiner) are not necessarily those of Jimmy DeMesa, M.D., or BeHappy101.com. Jimmy edits these "notes" only for wording and grammar and, therefore, BeHappy101.com is not responsible for the content in these thoughts.
